Such a little book

I have talked to people who told me they have never read a book and are apparently quite happy to boast of it.  One of my friends at TAFE was not a reader until I lent her my copy of "The Wind in the Willows".  She said she had never realized what a joy reading could be.  (I do believe that she didn't give it back but no matter I had introduced her to reading and reading engaged her for the rest of her days.)

As a child my favourite presents were books.  Mum read them to me and while I could not read them myself I looked at the pictures and tried to imagine what the words meant.  I actually couldn't read myself until I was about eight.  After that I read everything from the News to the Reader's Digest and the Chronicle.

When my mother was working in Port Augusta she became very ill and was out of work.  We literally had no money.  We lived in a leaky caravan and dined on Weeties every day.  Once Mum got some kind of compensation from the Government I suppose, we had the money to pay for the rental of the van and some for actual food and most wonderfully threepence to buy me a book.  It was Henny Penny and the Sky is Falling.  It was a little book with a soft cover and inside it lived not only the said Henny Penny but Goosey Lucy and Ducky Lucky and all their friends.  Mum read the book to me many times and eventually I began to read it to myself.  I could not have been given anything that would mean so much to me as that small book. Even after all these years I remember how I loved that story from a threepenny book that meant the world to me.

No-one is reading my blog.

No-one is reading my blog.  Think about it, I may have some sage advice or a helpful hint but how would you know.  If you don't read my gems of wisdom you will not learn anything.

READ THE DAMN BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How Henrietta Rose has trained me

I thought I had a deal with Henny.  Obviously that was an error. During the day Hen has to ask to go out when she wants to pee etc but at night she is welcome to pee etc on the floor in the bathroom.  It is easy to pick up the parcels and wash away the pee so there are no recriminations.  

That was the deal, however, Hen has a way of getting around deals.  She believes that she gives me sufficient notice of an impending urination or bowel movement and that if I don't take the hint she will pee or poo in the bedrooms.  That is how she punishes me for stupidity.

She does speak English so when I ask her if she wants to go out and she doesn't, there is no great excitement on her part.  If I ask her is she is hungry and she bounces around and brims over with joy then she is indeed hungry.

I am at a loss.  I really don't mind that Hen has an accident late at night because I have no great wish to go out at 11pm.  I also have no problem is there is a mistake in the morning when she tries in vain to wake me up and I don't.  I do however, get angry when she has been asked if she wants to go out and she doesn't and then pees or poos.

So while Hen speaks English I do not always speak dog.  The fault of course is mine.  I take all the blame because I am a human adult and she is a tiny little 2.7kg puppy.  It is up to me to de-code Henny speak.  I will try to do better in future.

Opti-fast and me

Hooray I have lost 2.5kg in a couple of weeks.  I love opti-fast.

I still have about nine weeks until Christmas so I am hoping for the best.

My friend and I had coffee at the Donut King at Munno Para and amazing as it may seem I did not partake of the donuts.  She tried to get me to eat them stating that two donuts once a fortnight would not matter.  I of course know that they damn well do matter.  I have no intention of trying to eat sensibly at home and then derailing myself at the shops.

I also have no bread in the house.  Bread is my biggest downfall so my home is totally bread-less from now on.

I just had a thought I have lost the same amount of weight that my little dog weighs.  So I have lost one dog. I am going to use dog weight instead of kilos from now on.  That makes perfect sense to me.  Hopefully by Christmas I will have lost about five dogs.

I will keep everyone informed about my dog weight challenge.  Stay tuned.

Senility

You cannot ring up with the tv remote control.

You cannot answer your glass of water.

You cannot hang up your glass of water.......simple hint....drink the water...answer/hang up the phone.

Leave a sign to tell you what to do.

Make another sign to tell you what the first sign meant.

Make another sign to tell you where to look for the other two signs.

Write this sign in English..... English, you know the language you speak....... English you speak it............right??????

You cannot put the milk frothing machine in the fridge.

You cannot get the cat dry out and think it will make really nice cereal........it doesn't.

You don't have to start the car when you just started it.

You must not have a passenger/witness in the car when you start it twice.

Above all do not under pain of death try to get money out of your ATM with your driver's licence.

In reality, you are considered much less senile if no-one witnesses any of the above.

One thing you can do is go to bed when you want to.............................and get up whenever!