Patience

My vacuum cleaner and I have a hate hate relationship.  We have been partners for over twenty years and for the most part our relationship has not been amicable.

Damien Spawn of the Devil plays dirty, he hooks himself around door frames, furniture, my legs. He deliberately twists up his hose and rids himself of his wand  He sucks up small objects so his vac doesn't vac. To be fair, I have had so many tantrums with Damien that he bears the scars.  He is broken and battered, has great chunks missing and his wand cracked in half.  Said wand is tastefully repaired with masking tape and is extremely fragile.  I have been known to pick Damien up by his hose and shake him. shouting "Let that be a lesson to you."

I find Damien's head the most annoying.  It sucks up the curtains, stray bits of wool and string and falls off regularly.  It is the most important part of Damien and costs the most to replace.  I have replaced his head at least four or five times since we became unhappy partners.  I think we are so incompatible that we should have been divorced years ago.

Because Damien is so difficult to get along with I have gone behind his back and bought a lovely light vacuum that is also a dust buster.  No more will I wait until the carpet starts to grow fungus or even disappear under coats of dust, cat fur, dog fur and etc. before I am forced to take my mortal enemy out of the cupboard.   My lovely new vac does not grab onto stray bits of furniture, nor does it clog, wind, hook, any or all of the above.

My new vac is so lovely that I have decided to call her Patience.  I predict Patience and I will have a wonderful and loving relationship.  I don't want to be precipitous in my evaluation so will wait for a week or so before I make up my mind.   However, I believe Patience and I will become the best of friends.  If we continue as we have commenced I will leave feedback for readers (should I have any) in case they might want to purchase their own Patience.

Ps. Would that patience be purchased in a store.