Assume makes an ass out of you and me

Years ago we had an elderly neighbour who asked me to help him choose some jewellery for a friend. As it was my birthday coming up I realized he wanted me to pick something that I would like, to give it to me on the big day. He told me he wanted to buy something for his friend Frederika who was living in America at the time. I took him down to the Brickworks and picked out some lovely shell earrings. I loved them and I knew just what dress I would wear when I received them. I realize you are way ahead of me here but hang on and let me tell the story.

Frederika loved good quality gold jewellery with real stones if possible and she would hate these cheap little earrings.

On my birthday Slim came to our place for tea. I had my 'new earrings' dress on ready for my present. When he came in to the kitchen he handed me my earrings in a huge box. I was confused. Well of course it was a box of chocolates.

The best thing about the whole thing was that I realized what an absolute idiot I was and the worst was that poor Frederika would have received some dreadful earrings that she would never wear in a pink fit.

I think the whole thing taught me a salutory lesson to never assume or presume of any other kind of sume. I can dine out on another dinner party story of how Cushie made an idiot of herself yet again. Plus poor old Slim had no idea of the silly saga.

I was not just me who assumed things though. One year Slim's birthday was coming up and his rellies called me and asked me if we had organized a party as he was quite certain that we had a surprise party all set up. Of course we hadn't and so we had to run around madly inviting people and getting everything ready so that he had his special day. He was quite oblivious and had the best time and loved the cake I made with all the candles. Well he was so old that we couldn't have fitted all the candles on the cake as it would have melted all the icing.

So the lesson is do not assume or if you do, make sure it makes a good story so everyone can laugh with you not at you.