Mirrors

I had the misfortune to go into Target to buy a top. They have three mirrors in the changeroom. Three! I mean to say if you don't look good in one then you can imagine how bad three is. I got to see my profile and my hump and my fatness. I am used to looking at myself from the front and the side but I could certainly do without the revolting hump mirror. I know I have a hump but I hadn't seen exactly how the fatness affected the hump site. What with that and the profile, I look like some sort of demented toad. And why I ask, does the nose have to keep growing? When I was younger it was a bit on the big side but now it resembles the sum of Walter Matthau and Dick Van Dyke's noses. Ah yes, the nose, the gift that keeps on giving. Evidently the ear lobes keep growing as well, if so, I will soon look like Dumbo. My earrings will hang down past my shoulders and I will be the only flying toad in Australia, dare I say the world. Down with mirrors!