Funerals

When I die, yes that is it I am going to die.  I will not pass over or pass on I will rest assuredly die. It may be comforting for some people to look up at the sky and say there she is looking down on us. No people I am dead, not in heaven, not having afternoon tea with old friends who have died before me. I will be dead. Anyway, when I die I do not want people to eulogise me and tell everyone what a wonderful person that I was.  I am not going to be someone's angel, or some sweet lovely person that everyone liked.  I refuse to be sugar coated.  I want people to say what they really feel.  They should say that I could be grumpy, selfish, bad tempered, self absorbed and so on and etcetera.    I want people to say things like I don't want to be a pall bearer as she is so fat we can't  lift her out of the hearse.  I expect that the funeral director at least hire a fork lift to do the job.  I see it now the yellow fork lift decorated with black ribbons.  That would show enough reverence for me.  I was planning on having a cardboard coffin but someone told me they they are not the cheapest, so I have decided on a nice thin wooden coffin hidden by a nice rosewood cover with silver handles.  I am tossing up whether to be buried with a Catholic Mass or just wheeled over the Main North Road and left at the gates of the Smithfield cemetery.   Come to think of it what would I care what is done with my used old carcass?  And to that I answer 'nothing at all' because I will be dead.